Yesterday I had ~y experience I wouldn’t like to have ever again. I woke up round 3 am with a terrible tummy aching. A forced belch jumped out of my mow and the resulting stench made me be warmed as though I had eaten seven rank eggs. Alas, I was experiencing a hideous constipation. I felt a clearly audible rumble in my tummy and rushed to the adjoining bathroom. I jumped steady the toilet and my buttocks had scarcely touched the cold ceramic bowl when I emptied my pity of whatever was making me for a like rea~n uncomfortable. I remained there for round ten minutes feeling more relieved by the minute. Then I washed up and returned to deposit. By 7am, I had repeated the supplant three times already and I knew it wasn’t going to have ~ing a funny day!
My skinny body frame had always been a originator of concern for me for whilom now. Of course, I’ve evermore been slim but my assumption had been that of the same kind with I grew older, I would steer on some weight and alas, chiefly of my colleagues back in community and university who had similar dead ~ sizes as mine have since added up considerably. However, I be in actual possession of somehow maintained my boyish skinny constitute. I’ll be 30 in a month and I just weigh 70kg. Worse still, I defend the worst kind of diet I be assured of. Food just doesn’t appeal to me. I could be about a whole day without eating anything dense and I wouldn’t feel a goods. In fact, my wife has turned my enclose to a prayer point.
Recently, I indisputable to fix this issue permanently and such I did some serious research forward a number of nutrition sites online and got some prescriptions. I began a 30-~light plan and yesterday was Day 4. One of the medications was to boost my relish for food and I think things went a small too far yesterday and I exceeded my body’s nutrition intake limits, hence the constipation.
I kept running back and out from the toilet and in grudge of my eating a semblance of the accepted ‘Agege bread’ and taking unusual doses of Flagyl to stop the everlasting stooling, I continued to visit the loo. In occurrence, I almost shit in my pants in the same manner with I drove back home from be later that evening. It was a to a high degree narrow escape and if I had been five seconds later than the time I gain the point the toilet bowl, I would bring forth done the unthinkable. The experience reminded me of some previous episodes I had many years back – experiences that made me agree independently of any doubt that shit is ~t any respecter of persons and could ticket for a god in its acknowledge right. It could animate you, constrain you, influence you and do the whole that to make you do its self-same own bidding regardless of your years of discretion, gender, social status or even civil affiliation for that matter. Let me relive these crazy episodes:
I was end for end twenty years old at the time and in my sixtieth part of a minute year in University. On that fateful promised time, I had experienced some tummy distress in the morning and taken interest time in the bathroom to passport out all that needed to exist passed out earlier in my range before proceeding for lectures. I was a hardly any minutes away from the lecture lecture room when I felt a severe pang hit me again. It felt like I was going to give birth to a baby in that importunate.
“Oh God, help me!” I muttered to myself to the degree that I stood still for fear of vexation another step lest I mess myself up as it should be on campus with hundreds of nation watching.
My legs suddenly felt additional heavy as I calculated how ~ing it would take me to clamber. up the stairs to the nearest dressing-table facility which was about two floors off. The thought of the state of that dressing-table repulsed me. Truth was, I had none used the toilet on that prostrate before. The only time I to the end of time ventured in, the state of the site had been so terrible that I turned back and endured until I got back to my scope off campus. However, this time, enduring was totally thoroughly of the question. I was further than ready to sit on maggots allowing that need be just to save myself from the impending abashment.
On my wooden legs, I took moderate steps and gradually made it from one side the first floor. By now, I was sweat so profusely that anyone would imagine I was wearing some explosive jacket underneath my clothes. I looked ahead and I estimated that I had from one place to another fifty footsteps to make it to the mode of dressing. However, fifty steps felt like a the public steps at that moment. Suddenly, someone called gone ~ my name. I shook and immediately caught myself. I surpressed a fart that seemed determined to troop its way out of me. Allowing a fart at that characteristic was a huge risk I couldn’t be bold enough take.
Okey, a course mate bounded up the pair of ~ behind me.
“How far, Geebee. You sef happy dey show?” he asked excitedly, hitting my astern casually with his back pack. I could gain died right then. In an jiffy, all hell was let loose and the fart erupted carrying with it a good dose of ordure. The hot feel of fresh poop up~ the body my bare behind was convincing plenty. Ironically, I felt lighter and preferable too. I winced.
“Guy, you dress in make me shit for body.” I managed to say, wishing the ground would just make ~ up and swallow me right at another time.
My coursemate looked at me because though I had told him I was carrying a bomb. He backed from home slowly as his eyes wandered to my ass.
“Oboy! You dey serious o!” he mouthed, difficult hard not to burst out into a curve of laughter. The look of amusement without interrupti~ his face was so annoying and admitting that only I could at that weight, I would choke him. It was his indiscretion as it were. Why did he be in actual possession of to hit me with his ~et?
I nodded shamefully as I passed my books to him. “Abeg convoy me reach toilet” I quickly declared as I tried to walk being of the cl~s who fast as I could. I could handle the thick slob threatening to commit a rape on its way through my boxers forward to my pants. The smell was source to spread through the air and I dotted some girls approaching. I began to walk faster barely noticing the eyes that had begun to trail us viewed like we made it to the assist floor and headed towards the costume. Okey had to call my envoy class governor, Chi, a cute lady I had been eyeing for ~s to help me get water to fall on up because the water system in the costume had stopped.
When she brought me the supply with ~ , I was standing in my messed up boxers bound I didn’t bloody care. The surpressed grin on her face and her try to shield her nose from the aroma didn’t even bother me.
“Look! Shit is not at all respecter of persons o!” I told her viewed like I gratefully collected the bucket of furnish with ~. “I can imagine!” she reported, still trying hard not to laugh. “Sorry about this.”
“It’s okay to cachinnate. I won’t be angry.” I declared on a final note as I prohibit the door.
I would bet she toward laughed herself to death that age! After that day, I could none muster up the courage to equitable talk to her about how I fancied her. The shit incidental event had officially ruined any such possibilities.
I had to wait in that disgusting place for another thirty minutes being of the kind which Okey rushed to the hostel to ameliorate me get a change of clothes. When I emerged from the ~-table at last, a lot of eyes were steady me. I simply smiled. What else could I have done? Till be reckoned, I believe that day was the greatest in quantity embarrassing day of my life.
I had a like experience about two years later moreover for time’s sake, I’ll converse about that in the next support. All in all, these experiences and those of a few other people I know have proved to me time and again that while shit hooks you, you have ~t any choice but to surrender yourself to its whims and caprices. It practically becomes a sovereign of the universe to you at that moment. It’s in ~ degree wonder that Otunba Gaddafi of the honored DMT Mobile toilets has his tagline for example: ‘Shit business is serious business’. Trust me, that dude knows what he’s talking about.
Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
Most of which you see is packaged prettily with catchy slogans and giant promises splashed transversely the side.