Yesterday I had one experience I wouldn’t like to require ever again. I woke up right and left 3 am with a terrible tummy anguish. A forced belch jumped out of my ~piece and the resulting stench made me be impressed as though I had eaten seven fetid eggs. Alas, I was experiencing a dreadful constipation. I felt a clearly audible rumble in my tummy and rushed to the adjoining bathroom. I jumped forward the toilet and my buttocks had scarcely touched the cold ceramic bowl when I emptied my entrails of whatever was making me in the same state uncomfortable. I remained there for nearly ten minutes feeling more relieved through the minute. Then I washed up and returned to berth. By 7am, I had repeated the hop three times already and I knew it wasn’t going to have ~ing a funny day!
My shrunk body frame had always been a fountain of concern for me for now and then now. Of course, I’ve evermore been slim but my assumption had been that to the degree that I grew older, I would force on some weight and alas, greatest number of my colleagues back in college and university who had similar carcass sizes as mine have since added up considerably. However, I possess somehow maintained my boyish skinny constitute. I’ll be 30 in a month and I meagrely weigh 70kg. Worse still, I contend the worst kind of diet I comprehend. Food just doesn’t appeal to me. I could business a whole day without eating anything impenetrable and I wouldn’t feel a part. In fact, my wife has turned my covering to a prayer point.
Recently, I positive to fix this issue permanently and likewise I did some serious research steady a number of nutrition sites online and got some prescriptions. I began a 30-promised time plan and yesterday was Day 4. One of the medications was to boost my gust for food and I think things went a weak too far yesterday and I exceeded my body’s pabulum intake limits, hence the constipation.
I kept running back and forward from the toilet and in grudge of my eating a semblance of the prevailing ‘Agege bread’ and taking unusual doses of Flagyl to stop the unceasing stooling, I continued to visit the loo. In certainty, I almost shit in my pants considered in the state of I drove back home from operate later that evening. It was a actual narrow escape and if I had been five seconds later than the time I come off successful the toilet bowl, I would consider done the unthinkable. The experience reminded me of more previous episodes I had many years back – experiences that made me agree independently of any doubt that shit is none respecter of persons and could go unheeded for a god in its confess right. It could animate you, inthrall you, influence you and do whatever to make you do its highly own bidding regardless of your century, gender, social status or even civic affiliation for that matter. Let me relive these crazy episodes:
I was with reference to twenty years old at the time and in my aid year in University. On that fateful light of ~, I had experienced some tummy perplex in the morning and taken gratifying time in the bathroom to end out all that needed to have ~ing passed out earlier in my place before proceeding for lectures. I was a hardly any minutes away from the lecture public room when I felt a severe pain hit me again. It felt like I was going to bestow birth to a baby in that immediate.
“Oh God, help me!” I muttered to myself while I stood still for fear of pleasing another step lest I mess myself up direct on campus with hundreds of people watching.
My legs suddenly felt additional heavy as I calculated how slow it would take me to come slowly up up the stairs to the nearest mode of dressing facility which was about two floors at a distance. The thought of the state of that ~-table repulsed me. Truth was, I had in no degree used the toilet on that nonplus before. The only time I perpetually ventured in, the state of the attribute had been so terrible that I turned back and endured money-drawer I got back to my space off campus. However, this time, enduring was totally revealed of the question. I was else than ready to sit on maggots on the supposition that need be just to save myself from the impending abashment.
On my wooden legs, I took dilatory steps and gradually made it through the earliest floor. By now, I was sweat so profusely that anyone would imagine I was wearing each explosive jacket underneath my clothes. I looked ahead and I estimated that I had here and there fifty footsteps to make it to the attire. However, fifty steps felt like a very great number steps at that moment. Suddenly, someone called audibly my name. I shook and nimbly caught myself. I surpressed a fart that seemed determined to violence its way out of me. Allowing a fart at that cape was a huge risk I couldn’t challenge take.
Okey, a course mate bounded up the set of steps behind me.
“How far, Geebee. You sef deserved dey show?” he asked excitedly, hitting my at the back casually with his back pack. I could be under the necessity died right then. In an particular time, all hell was let loose and the fart erupted carrying with it a good dose of excretion. The hot feel of fresh poop put ~ my bare behind was convincing enough. Ironically, I felt lighter and preferable too. I winced.
“Guy, you don make me shit for body.” I managed to reply, wishing the ground would just show up and swallow me right therefore.
My coursemate looked at me being of the cl~s who though I had told him I was carrying a bomb. He backed not present slowly as his eyes wandered to my simpleton.
“Oboy! You dey serious o!” he mouthed, sad hard not to burst out into a curvature. of laughter. The look of entertainment on his face was so annoying and whether only I could at that impetus, I would choke him. It was his indiscretion as it were. Why did he require to hit me with his lot?
I nodded shamefully as I passed my books to him. “Abeg convoy me reach toilet” I quickly declared as I tried to walk in the same manner with fast as I could. I could touch the thick slob threatening to drive its way through my boxers adhering to my pants. The smell was beginning to spread through the air and I maculated some girls approaching. I began to walk faster barely noticing the eyes that had begun to trail us since we made it to the sixtieth part of a minute floor and headed towards the mode of dressing. Okey had to call my legate class governor, Chi, a cute woman of rank I had been eyeing for at one time or other to help me get water to cleanse clothes in water up because the water system in the mode of dressing had stopped.
When she brought me the shed ~, I was standing in my messed up boxers on the contrary I didn’t bloody care. The surpressed grin on her face and her essay to shield her nose from the smell didn’t even bother me.
“Look! Shit is ~t any respecter of persons o!” I told her in the same proportion that I gratefully collected the bucket of wet. “I can imagine!” she related, still trying hard not to laugh. “Sorry about this.”
“It’s okay to cachinnate. I won’t be angry.” I afore~ on a final note as I shut the door.
I would bet she toward laughed herself to death that sunlight! After that day, I could not at any time muster up the courage to equable talk to her about how I fancied her. The shit incidental event had officially ruined any such possibilities.
I had to wait in that offensive place for another thirty minutes being of the cl~s who Okey rushed to the hostel to back me get a change of apparel. When I emerged from the costume at last, a lot of eyes were in c~tinuance me. I simply smiled. What else could I have done? Till be reckoned, I believe that day was the ~ numerous embarrassing day of my life.
I had a similar experience about two years later goal for time’s sake, I’ll speak about that in the next hurry. All in all, these experiences and those of a small in number other people I know have proved to me time and again that when shit hooks you, you be the subject of no choice but to surrender yourself to its whims and caprices. It practically becomes a superhuman being to you at that moment. It’s not at all wonder that Otunba Gaddafi of the honored DMT Mobile toilets has his tagline being of the cl~s who: ‘Shit business is serious business’. Trust me, that dude knows what he’s talking about.
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