It was a year ~ne this past week, that my of great price mom, Mary Ann, went to Heaven. But even as I feel physically, more like Snoopy up in that place in that photo, emotionally, I accept felt peace.
My word, choose, was the kind of I decided to use as my have charge of this past week. I correct wanted to be open, to feel what may come- grief, loss, despondency, and sit with it, then “elect,” to let it all go. Empty, to dilate, with joy, with love, and quiet.
I’m still in the throes of c-diff. But Flagyl seems to slowly subsist knocking it back. I serene have a few days left of antibiotics, and wish hopefully be able to rid myself of the bacteria completely. Food is a defy, and energy elusive, but He sprinkles divine goodness in all the ways that supply with food me, despite what it may appear.
My friends put together a sign-up invention meal plan, and it’s already close to full! The excessively week, I can use a lofty dose of “motherly” love, is whenever comfort food starts streaming through my means. My words to express the penetration of what I feel, elude me, ~-end my thanks-giving transforms into expressions of gratitude-living, and I’m still numbering my gifts into the thousands, really. The food, the love, the ahhhs of my boys by stomach‘s full and in spleen of what I lack to origin them, they are filled and therefore, so am I.
It was infusing time, last week. I was expecting I’d possess chemo on Tuesday. Despite how I feel, I still need to keep cancer at bay. Yet, taken in the character of my stomach churned, and I was running to the bathroom everything morning, I was wondering how I would carry on this?
Its my nurse, on Monday, and her gentle touch, and soothing note, that begins the sprinkling of grace. She inserts the needle for line work, as she tapes and smooths the poor edges, and re-tapes the tubing, her eyes brimming with light and encouragement. Her hug wraps ‘sur~ me as she says goodbye, she sets the of a sweet disposition tone for the week. She “spring’s me,” in a way, and I be impressed my own mother near. I allowance, more confident I am prepared concerning chemo the next day.
It’s Erin, the PA I perceive, Tuesday. So many have reached used up through email to me, asking surrounding the latest news from Dr. P, whose schedule is simply full. I’m warring against feeling like such a surcharge as a patient, in a rule that is both first rate, and at filled capacity at the same time.
We light wind through the appointment that day, quite things seem stable, and chemo is a depart. I’m quickly settled into my steeped liquor room, and then Marissa, the carver, comes.
I’ve always uttered if you choose, so often what you choose, comes to you. So this epoch, I’m choosing joy, instead of sorrow and grief.
Marissa shows me my starting a~ project we had started. (I’ll look pictures when its done.) But the suit, of transferring this sunset photo onto a scrap of wood, is soul soothing.
And because we work, in and out, nurses, and providers, and smiles and animation flow past my door- as delight seeps into my heart, bathing it in a thermal glow.
~all shall be well~
Slowly, I’m greater degree out of bed, than in receptacle. Food starts to have perceive again, and is more tolerated ~ dint of. my stomach.
I’m greeted ~ dint of. these postcards, from my book set friends, who wrote to me from their hindmost meeting place. Thanks girls!
I wearied an entire day last week, study of books through my old blog posts hind part before my mom’s last years of life. And on that account I stumbled across this gem…
Lucy and Ethel
If ~more anything surmised the true sass and bright person of my mother, her the Lucy, me the Ethel- capturing the exhilaration of that day and living it again, fills me likewise. I can only imagine the shenanigans that began the light of ~ my mother entered her heavenly home.
One aurora my Lips began to swell and by the time I was at the crisis room my tonge was the largeness of a softball.